UP OR DOWN

... heightened wakefulness or sedated drowsiness

hmm...

... sleep might be better at this point, I can feel the negativity of my thoughts looming, slipping through cracks in the walls I've built in my mind to separate the logical from the illogical.

maybe a few melatonin and i'll be off to sleep, banking on tomorrow to be a better day

OR some coffee, at first the thought of being awake and alone with my thoughts is intimidating, but then somehow comforting and empowering if I can fend off the bad brain

actually, come to think of it, choosing to stay awake is MUCH better than longing and wishing to fall asleep only to be kept awake by intruding thoughts.

Coffee it is!

Insomniart

New Outlet: Cannon Rebel EOS T3I

Fist of all, thank you Santa for the gift! Second of all, I'm excited to have the ability to share more than words! Below are some of my sporadic art projects >

"Inside Herself" [water colour]

"Enclosed" [sketch]

"Comfort" [sketch]

"Untitled" [water colour]

"Breath" [charcoal]

"Thirst" [water colour]

Lyrics..."She"

A song about anybody, anywhere, going through anything. Written from personal experience with depression (my own and others close to me). A lot of people shy away from talking about the stuff thats hard to deal with or talk about, leaving the people dealing with it, with no one to talk to about it...

She don't know, anything anything anymore
She won't show, anyone anything anymore
And it hurts to breath...

Each breath fills her with life, but kills her with strife 
Of the pain that has barred her
She's alone in her head, won't leave her bed
Her own hands have scarred her

And if you only took a little of your time,
Reached out your hand to say "Hey kid you'll be just fine, cause you're alright in my eyes"

She won't go, anywhere anywhere anymore
Lost her glow, eyes are dark, joy is there somewhere
And it seems to me...

Each breath fills her with life, but kills her with strife 

Of the pain that has barred her

She's alone in her head, won't leave her bed

Her own hands have scarred her

Eyes with light, trying to find their way out of their

Will to fight, new reason to breath and a hopeful stare

Finally...

Now each breath fills her with life, there's no longer strife 

Of the pain that once barred her

Still alone in her head but she's out of bed

New skin where her scars were

Thanks to you- you took a minute of your time

Reached out a hand to say "Hey kid you'll be just fine, I know it seems like this is it no better time, but trust me when I say you'll be just fine... you'll be alright, even in your eyes"

This little blog of mine...

I'm gonna' let it shine!

This blog is in and of itself an outlet for me. By processing my thoughts into words I can work toward accepting the hand I've been dealt and work with it rather than against it. Creativity is one thing that has been heightened during my mania and an is escape from my depression; bipolar disorder has cultivated my creative mind- how cool is that?

Maybe this ^ is just me, comment if you're also bipolar and experience more brain activity (positive and negative) at night. Its like my brain finally starts working when I should be going to sleep, especially (& ironically) when I'm depressed and need sleep the most. This can be both good - providing moments of creative focus - and bad - prolonging the day's negative focus.

Here's a little gaze into a positive night of ferociously firing neurones that resulted in the writing of a song about my life, my mom's massive influence on me and the way she goes above and beyond her call of duty every day to be there for me.

All Bet's On You

Ive been tired for so long,

Just wait until the moments gone

To rest my head upon this pillow top.

Cause through the wind and through the rain

I follow down the path I came from.

[Chorus]

In a stand off, im betting on you any day

When the bets are off, my moneys on you anyway

We could be a thousand miles apart 

And you'd still be in my heart, everyday.

I've been known to wander alone

But I'll never forget my home with you

You don't care who's wrong or wright

Your strength has always been your will to fight

[Chorus]

I smile your smile, you'd drive for

You'd drive for miles and miles, all

You'd drive all night, just to

To make things alright

[Chorus]

End.

*Audio clip soon to be added*