... heightened wakefulness or sedated drowsiness
... sleep might be better at this point, I can feel the negativity of my thoughts looming, slipping through cracks in the walls I've built in my mind to separate the logical from the illogical.
maybe a few melatonin and i'll be off to sleep, banking on tomorrow to be a better day
OR some coffee, at first the thought of being awake and alone with my thoughts is intimidating, but then somehow comforting and empowering if I can fend off the bad brain
actually, come to think of it, choosing to stay awake is MUCH better than longing and wishing to fall asleep only to be kept awake by intruding thoughts.
Coffee it is!